Monthly Archives: June 2018

29 Jun

My Son the Graduate

My son Logan graduated from high school this week. Poof and the last seventeen years flew by! I feel emotional about this. My boy slowly morphing into a man in front of me, and soon moving away from home to go to college in September. I dread the sight of his empty room, and the mess that will no longer be there.

Just one more notch in my life belt and one of many in his.

Driving to work the other day, stuck in traffic, I started to reflect on Logan’s past seventeen years. I was thinking of the day he was born. I can remember the back labour like it was yesterday. The struggle to deliver my baby boy.  I can remember those first days, weeks, months and years. They passed so quickly, waiting for each first. The first time he smiled, giggled, sat up, rolled over, walked, first words and sentences.  First time he told me he loved me and hated me, first time peeing and pooing on the potty, the first time he shared with other children. When he learned to ride a bike on his first try. First pair of glasses (one of many), when he learned sarcasm, humour, when he learned to agree to disagree (he struggles with this one-Lol). First broken bone, his second, and third, when he learned to swim, when he played soccer, when he tried football and then rugby. So many firsts and he still has many more to come in his life. The firsts I won’t witness.

I drove him to work yesterday, I felt sad and angry that this summer is a last for that. Yes, he could take the bus, but I have come to realize that our best and longest conversations are in the car. So, yes I go out of my way to pick up and drive my son any chance I get. Often it is not convenient for me, but in bad traffic I get an hour or more with my boy. We listen to music and he is amused that I know so many of the songs that he knows. We sing together, talk, laugh, sometimes he sleeps, sometimes we argue (mostly about politics), but by the end of the car ride we have said our apologies for over reacting, and have talked out our differences. He has his driver’s license now, so I am not sure how much longer this will last, it will be less time spent together.

I have a memory bank of all the times he and I have spent together, just the two of us.  When he was 6 years old and we drove to Toronto to go to the Exhibition. We had our adventure on the subway and street cars. He learned the lesson of why you shouldn’t eat fast food before riding on a ride that spins….public puking in a garbage as I rubbed his back, not his finest moment. When we went to Canada’s Wonderland with Christina and his friend Tyler. He and Tyler were too afraid to go on the larger roller coasters and really enjoyed the merry go round. They were maybe 10 years old. I did manage to get him on the ride where you need to lay on your stomach. The ride started and we went up the track and he panicked. The fear of his glasses falling off, and me trying to comfort him as best I could being trapped in my own ride cage. By the time we got to the end he was fine. Happily, we went back as a family after Jack was born and the boys and I got the fast pass, we let Andrew go to kiddy town with Jack (he doesn’t enjoy rides at all). We had a blast, unfortunately, Logan was still not a fan of roller coasters, but neither is Jakob so they did all the rides that weren’t roller coasters. Kyle and I rode them all! Over and over,  we got all of our monies worth that day!

I remember when Logan and I went to Granby Zoo for the weekend, we had so much fun the two of us. I bought him a stuffed snake that weekend, and when we went back as a family him and Kyle each got one, it was a big thing at the time. The boys have long since passed on all of their treasured stuffies to Jack there youngest brother. I look back on all of our adventures together and my heart is filled with happiness. So many special times with my boy.

As he has gotten older it has been harder to do things with just him, but we have seen many movies together, and eaten our share of bulk barn candy and popcorn. I remember when I had the great idea to go to bulk barn and buy a very large bag of candy – the movie was UP (3D) we both cried at the beginning, how could you not. I don’t know if that prompted the eating of the entire bag of candy, but we did. Needless to say it was a very long time before we ate candy again. Sugar tongue, need I say more….oh and stomach ache. Learning to drive has been a bonus, as he was willing to leave his room for larger periods of time in order to drive. Hey- I will take what I can get at this point. Having him clean up the kitchen after dinner also means more time spent talking about our day, and making plans for the next one.

I know Logan will have many more firsts and will experience many lasts, one’s I won’t even be aware of. It makes me sad, but I am happy that I get to have this experience 3 more times with Kyle, Jack and Rose. Logan will be part of those firsts and lasts for them, as I know his older brother Jakob has. I know it gets easier, it is the initial letting go that is hard.

August will be here before you know it and I will be saying good-bye to my boy as he embarks on his own path, which no longer has me organizing, nagging and micro-managing his everyday life. I am scared for him, scared that I did too much for him, that I didn’t let him fail enough. Scared that I didn’t push him harder, scared that he hasn’t heard and listened to all of my words over his seventeen years.

I will miss hearing him say, ‘I love you Mom,’ as he gives me a hug and kiss. I will miss having to get the step stool out to give him a proper hug.

I will love watching him grow into an independent man, following his own path, making his own adventures along the way. My son.

“I will Love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” -Robert Munsch

12 Jun

The Struggle is Real, Tonight……

Jack had soccer tonight at 6:30 pm for an hour, Rose came as well. Normally, she is in bed by 6 pm, but Kyle had soccer at the same time, and no one else would be at the house tonight to watch/listen for her. Divide and conquer it is! I bathed her prior to going, as she was a sticky mess from her day-not sure what she was eating, but she was pretty gross! At the soccer field there is a park and Rose only wants to be there. What Rose wants, Rose gets! Sorry, Jack I did catch the last 15 minutes of your soccer. I have no picture proof, but this baby is a climber. No fear, she was out climbing kids double her age. My rule, if you can’t do it yourself I am not helping you because then you will never figure it out. Rose loves a challenge! She was hoisting herself up on play structures and running around (giving me a heart attack). She runs for the slide with no intent at sitting, but just stepping off-OMG. Sit Down!!! I caught her just in the nick of time, but it didn’t stop her from trying to do it again and again….at least 12 times in 45 minutes. She resorted to going down the slide on her tummy feet first- that is some toddler problem solving. Jack finished soccer with only one complaint, “Mum, I don’t like how my team takes the ball from me!” “Jack, you have a voice tell your team not to take the ball, be assertive !”(Because he knows what that means-Lol, I did explain to him what it meant-btw).  This is his common complaint, I see what he means, but I still could not help but point out to him…. that when he gets the ball, he needs to move with the ball, you can’t just stand there wondering what your next move should be. He will work through it….I think. OH JACK. My priority right now is getting you and your sister to bed, so I can do my work out because I am fading, and fast. No- you can’t have popcorn, yes-you will have a shower! 

By the time I got to my workout it was past 9 pm. Ooh, this is going to be tough. I think to myself, maybe I should take a skip tonight, I am so tired, I don’t really have the energy. No- I can’t do it! The guilt I will feel if I don’t do it, just isn’t worth it. I am the accountability queen. I drive all of the boys around me with this personality quirk…as it has been called. Whatever- Cardio Axe and Bum Bum here I come. I did drink a cup of coffee pre-workout to wake me up. It was 50 minutes of H-E-L-L! My scalp was in full sweat mode, which was dripping down my face into my eyes…..it wasn’t pretty. I got it done, and it gave me the energy I needed to just sit and write for a bit. I could have taken a pass tonight, but my body wasn’t telling me to. My mind was really trying to put up some road blocks,  but I control my mind! I know that if I listened to that little voice, that one we all have that makes excuses for us (really good ones….believable)  then what’s the point?! I want Jack and Rose, and yes, even the older boys to see that when you start something and you get results and it changes your life, mindset,  focus, day to day drive, then you need to keep at it because it is worth it. It’s like a switch goes on and the possibilities are endless.

09 Jun

Morning workouts….Pffff

Remember when I said that I was going to get up every morning and workout before starting my day? Ya, well that never happened. In my mind it seemed like the perfect plan for me, but it is a dream. I get my 7 hours of sleep most nights, some nights I get more. I just can’t drag myself out of bed before 6 am! Admittedly, I didn’t even try it.

Instead, I workout after the little ones are in bed. This means I am working out anywhere from 7:30 to 9 pm at night…depending on the activity that evening and what time everyone gets tucked in. Most nights I am able to work out between 7-8 pm. Without going into details…..really it’s about who is home, who can help and what I need to do before I can get to it. You should know though that I never make excuses for why I don’t need to work out. This is NOT an option. Wednesday night, my nieces were in town, it was a last minute plan, but they were popping in for a visit. I knew the only way I would get my workout in, is if I got it done earlier. On this night, Rose who is usually in bed shortly after 6 pm, decided she wasn’t going to bed. Of course, isn’t this always the way. So I sat her on the couch and thanked god my workout was only 35 minutes and not the usual 50 minute one. She was amused, and watched me, along with Jack -who also tries his hardest to do the exercises with me. It wasn’t until the last 10 minutes when she decided to get off the couch and weave herself between me and my yoga mat-she did me a favour really, as she supported my body weight with hers! To give you a complete visual, picture me in tabletop position, with my elbows on the floor, with one arm to the side, my ankle weights strapped onto my legs. Me doing various repetitions with one leg at a time, switching sides. At one point she stood up and proceeded to use my butt as a drum. This amused them both-me not so much. If I had a video of it, maybe I would have gotten it; after all it is the “Brazilian Butt Lift” program in which you do shake your booty and play the pretend drums. I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes it is harder to get that time for yourself, but you do the best you can! Don’t use your children as an excuse not to do your workout, don’t use excuses in general. I know there are days where you are tired, but by 7 pm at night, every night I am pretty much ready for bed. I look in the mirror and I see my progress, I think of my focus and my clear mind, not to mention my overall outlook on life and I can’t let myself down! Hearing Jack my 6 year old tell me how strong I am, and the absolute adoration he regularly shows for me is so worth it. Do this for yourself first, but recognise that doing it benefits everyone else around you as well.