Charlene Montague

I have been regularly working out for over a year now, 15 months to be exact. I have become stronger mentally and physically. Do I have more energy? I think so, some days not really. I am, after all a middle aged woman who is in pre-menopause or pretty close to it! I won’t be sharing the dirty details of that at this point in time. One word only, those who get it, will get it. FLOOD.

I was reminded of my past pains and physical limitations right before the long weekend. It was Thursday night and I was off on Friday, I remember planning all of the things I was going to accomplish with my four day weekend. The gardening I was going to get done! Needless to say on Friday morning, while rolling over as my alarm was going off, I felt and heard, snap, crackle and pop in my neck. I knew as soon as I had heard it that it wasn’t good. Most people have experienced it, the neck spasm! The inability to turn your neck without turning your entire body. I called my chiropractor and Andrew drove me. She did what she could to loosen it, but I was in full panic mode.

When I was a pre-teen I had sustained a serious neck injury, one that caused me significant issues as I aged. I had been told at the age of twenty-eight that I had the back of an eighty year old woman. If I was to stand a chance, against the degenerative disc disease, the herniated disc and the neck that was curved in the opposite direction of what it should be, I was going to have to stay active and build my muscle strength so that they could protect my fragile spine. Easier said than done, at that time I was a mother to a two year old and could barely walk 5 minutes without excruciating pain. It had been a year of sciatica caused by my herniated disc, multiple appointments, and the dreaded drop foot. I could barely manage the grocery store, but did it. Everything was a struggle, but I am not going to go into detail. I can tell you that I couldn’t see past my pain, I didn’t realize that it would at some point ease up. Mine lasted a little more than a year and that one year felt like ten. I had macgyvered mirrors on my windshield because I couldn’t do proper shoulder checks. I couldn’t turn my neck, let alone my body. I never took pain killers, but I have to admit that if my Doctor had prescribed them I would have probably become an addict. She did prescribe Tylenol#3, but it didn’t even touch the pain. I went to a Naturopath and spent a shit load of money….I basically wanted something that would allow me to sleep. When you can’t sleep your body does not heal. I was getting maybe 2 hours of sleep a night and working and taking care of a toddler. I was a wreck. It was one of the darkest times in my life. Nothing was working, I reflected and thought what if this isn’t about the physical pain in my body, what if it’s my mind?! This was my lightbulb moment, I went to the library and took out as many books as I could on spiritual healing. What an eye opener this was, it was the author Caroline Myss and her book – “Why People Don’t Heal and How they can.” This is also the time when I started to practice simple mediations. I didn’t feel that I was particularly good at it, but between the book and the meditation I felt hope that I would pull myself out of the darkness. Extreme pain is a serious mind F^%*&^k. 

The pain left me slowly, and I began taking aqua fit classes, within a year I was in the best shape of my life and looked great in a bikini for the first time since I was eighteen! The pain was almost entirely gone and I only had ghost pain from that point forward (for me this was tingling, burning in my right leg-the drop foot leg), it was a reminder of what my body had gone through. With my physical strength came a mental strength I had never known before. My life took on many changes after, I continued aqua fit for almost five years after that. I left an unhappy marriage, did some soul searching, crashed more than a few times before I landed in the happiest time of my life. I am now the mother to five children, and my life is chaos unleashed, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

When I heard the snap, crackle and pop, and felt that pain and discomfort, I was unable to continue my regular workouts. After four days without my routine I could feel the darkness creeping back in. I couldn’t get out of my head and it was a horrible place to find myself once again. My chiropractor was able to ease my discomfort after about four visits, it has been a week since my last visit. I go in two weeks and then I am back to my maintenance visits. She figures I slept with my ear to my shoulder. Apparently, that’s what causes that type of neck strain most of the time.  My neck is a mess, it will never be perfect.  I have summed this event up as a warning to not overdo it, but getting back into my regular workout routine was exactly what I needed to get my mind back on track. So, no more Hard Corps for me at this point in time. Luckily there are so many great workouts out there that I can do. I listen to my body and can still push myself to the next left, but I can do it carefully.

Neck-0, Exercise-10 and my mind well that is a constant work in progress.

I’ve been so underwhelmed by my workouts lately! I realized that it was time to switch things up. I just completed T20 for the second time and I dreaded going for a third. I wanted to pick a program that was not too long each day, but still gave me a great workout. I settled on Hard Corps just 22 minutes a day, sometimes 32 minutes. The best part, it’s 5 exercises and 3 intervals in 22 minutes, the extra 10 minutes is all Core. I am so in! Day two and I feel great.

I’ve been so overwhelmed with life recently. Sometimes life and all of the ongoing events can just add up. I am super busy at work and on top of that its Tax time! Having a side business means you have to work even after you have worked your 8 hour day. I also applied for a new role at work and have been busy over the past 2 weekends with training to start in this new role. It has also meant homework and presentations. The positive, I stepped out of my comfort zone and I rocked it. One more weekend and I will be ready to roll….that is the hope anyway. You add commute, meals, activities and general family time and I feel like I can’t breath some days. I think the real stress that is weighing heavily on my me right now, is actually my son Logan. Not Logan in particular, but the fact that he will be flying to the last frontier in Ontario to do a 3 week placement as a Fire Crew Ranger! It is the same feeling I had prior to him going away to school, the difference this time is he is going to be a 23 hour drive away, instead of a short hour and a bit. I can’t really express in words what that feels like, which is probably best. I never knew it would be this hard to have a child leave the nest. I never suspected that I would have it touch all aspects of my life.

I can’t let my fears affect everything and everyone around me. I can’t let my mind wonder to the worst thoughts possible just because more than one thing becomes complicated. I need to remember I used to feel this way all of the time, now I just feel this way about every 3 – 4 months…maybe even 6 months. I need to stay calm, do my nightly meditations and remember that I got this. If life wasn’t hard and littered with daily problems that require solving how bored would I be?! I have worked on so many aspects of my life since January 2018. I feel like I am on a steady progression to having all my dreams come true. I work hard, I modify my behaviour to be one of absolute positivity at home and at work. I treat people like I would like to be treated, but I am also realizing that it is okay to be honest with people. It is okay to not agree with someone, and that you can manage it all with kind words and a positive outlook. I am a work in progress and I can do anything!

Today is an extremely productive day. It all started with that very cute little toddler named Rose. Who needs alarms when you have a toddler!? I am going to round up and say it was 6 am and not 5 or 5:45 am. It was pitch black, but that doesn’t stop that girl from opening a closed door and navigating to our bedroom. It is like deja vu! Jack at that age, actually a little older than Rose is now he would do the same, but he roared to wake us up. Rose instead opens our bedroom door and yells in her toddler voice, “Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum,” well you get the idea. She then proceeds to my side of the bed, climbs into our bed and is all quiet and cute, until the poking begins. After she gets bored of that, she uses our bed- with us in it as a mosh pit. Yes, that’s right, she just throws herself in any general direction. It is quite terrifying and the overwhelming fear of her tossing herself off our bed, ensures that I will not be going back to sleep. Ultimately, she has done me a favor, being up earlier ensures that I won’t be running to get out of the house because I hit sleep too many times. Who knew, everyone should have a toddler in their life.

I have to be honest, I LOVE going to work, yes that’s right! I don’t feel bad admitting that and I certainly do not have any guilt about it. I drop that little angel at her caregivers (bless that woman, patience of a saint) and I enjoy that drive across the city to the West end, even on the days that traffic has me on the road for an hour. I sip at my smoothie and listen to something that isn’t my children and the best part is I am ALL BY MYSELF! I enjoy my day, even when it is a stressful one, luckily there are not too many of those. I drink as much coffee as I want, I eat every 2-3 hours and welcome adult conversation. My day always flies by, probably because I am enjoying the ‘me’ time so much! At 4 pm I get in my car and begin the long drive home….okay, it’s more like 20-60 minutes, it really depends on the weather and the day. I don’t mind, I take my time, Andrew picks up the kids and we meet at home. I have a very sweet deal. I really appreciate that man! By the time I get home I am re-charged and all in. Jack has homework, reading and then free time. Rose usually whines and cries and clings to Daddy while we both try and get a healthy dinner on the table. Sometimes, its just me, I am okay with that, she doesn’t want me she wants him. Daddy’s girl, love it! I know that time goes by so fast and that this part of our life, the hustle and bustle, the always moving, always on the go, always needing to do something…its all temporary. I know that when the littlest of our children are old enough to not need us, we will be missing them and the craziness attached.

I came home today, dealt with my toddler in her finest hour. She is pretty clever and she isn’t even three. She frightens me, but I look forward to all the challenges that come with her. After dinner and some necessary cuddling and Rose was in bed, I started prepping a dish to have with dinner tomorrow night. After I cooked what I needed, I put it aside and I went and did my 20 minute work-out. Kyle interrupted it with a phone call to be picked up from the mall. It was pretty friggin cold, sure I will come and get you-done! Workout finished and Andrew away at the gym, I completed the dish that needed to now be baked, and its in the oven. I made Jack’s lunch, all the while thinking he is seven now he should really be doing this now. However, Jack was at soccer. His oldest brother is his coach, very handy. He takes him to his soccer twice a week. A lifesaver, it really is. Jack came home around 8ish and of course is famished. Cereal it is, little man AND a banana, he must have worked hard! Jack decides he wants to play this song for me. “Don’t laugh at me.” Oh my goodness, this sweet boy knows all of the lyrics to this kids song. I feel like crying…Jack is just so awesome. If you met him, you would understand. He is this quiet, but always listening child. He has his fathers wit and always says the right thing at the right time. He is extremely honest with his words and is blunt and to the point. Seven year old awesomeness. Thankfully, I held myself together….that over-whelming love you feel for your child….it’s hard to express and tears are sometimes the only answer. He then lines up some vines of animals doing very funny things, titled, “Try not to laugh.” See Jack just knows what you need when you need it, especially after that song. He really is his fathers son-mini Andrew. We laughed at the video’s, he got ready for bed and I tucked him in. I took my dish out of the oven and thought…well while its cooling, I will go and write a bit. So that’s where I am now, I just got up and put the cooled dish in the fridge and I need to wrap this up. Tomorrow is Wednesday already and I can’t believe it! I only hope that I will have the energy tomorrow that I have today. I feel like I need to squeeze as much as I possibly can into every minute of my day. Sometimes I have to remember to breathe, but every night I get into bed put on my headphones and put on my meditation track. It lets me refuel for the next day. I love my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Some days are harder than others and some are easier. Everyday is a mystery and everyday provides an element of entertainment that comes with a house full of kids. After all if you can’t laugh at your life, then what’s the point.

SLIM Shaming- Yes, it is a real thing.

I have been slim, pretty much my entire life. You could say it’s in my DNA. You could say I am lucky, but I have also always made a conscious effort to eat properly. This isn’t to say that I don’t partake in a treat here and there and sometimes I do over indulge, but I always end up back where I started. Perhaps, I am vein. However, if it is vanity that motivates me to stay at a target weight and continually stay active as I near fifty, is that such a bad thing?

When I was in elementary school, around grade four I realized that being slim wasn’t always great. People that are full figured or over-weight get picked on for just that, well when you are slim you get picked on for being, “skinny.” Skinny is the opposite of Fat. Being skinny and approaching puberty was upsetting. Being called skinny was even worse. I grew into a very insecure person because of this word, and all that went with it. Common insults: “Knobby” (this is a crack at one’s knees), “When people walk past you they think you are part of the wall you are so flat”, crack at being skinny and having no breasts at an age when some of the more voluptuous girls had a full rack! One that was always especially hurtful because it was delivered in front of a bunch of guys (by my best friend-OUCH). “Char, you have absolutely NO ass!” Not holding a grudge, but it still hurt like hell at the time. I never asked to have no ass- I at one point thought of paying for butt implants because of this crack. Having children took care of my no boob issue and well my knobby knees are part of a slender leg with calves of steel. My spouse has also been slender his entire life and knows the cruelty that words can inflict. His memories include being called, “knobbly knees”, “stick insect” and variations thereof, “If you stand sideways no one can see you.” Motives were not always malicious, but words really do hurt and can have a lasting effect, especially, when piled on top of other childhood problems.

I can go on and on, but really what was said in the past hardly matters in the present, but it does drive me to create a future where I am the healthiest old lady on the block. I am also incredibly annoyed that the shaming of a slim person is not viewed as that. I am passionate about exercise and my over-all fitness. My family and close friends see this and respect my choices. They know that exercising for me is not about losing weight, or being skinny! For me it is about building muscle to keep my extremely fragile back from de-generating. At the age of 28 it was discovered I had a herniated disc, it took away my ability to walk properly (drop-foot), to sleep and be a proper mother to my then 18 month old son Logan. It was by far the worst pain I have had in my life, almost 2 years from start to finish of a pinched sciatic nerve as a result of this disc. Eventually, meditation and continual chiropractic care, and exercise (aqua fit…best thing ever) helped alleviate this. The orthopedic surgeon also let me know that I had degenerative disc disease, and at this point my back was that of an 80 year old woman. This made me the person I am now, I worked through a lot of personal baggage because of this. I re-evaluated my life up to that point.

It is also about taking an active role in keeping my body active, so I can eat some of the things I really enjoy…regularly! I want to eat candy sometimes, and I want to eat things that aren’t always good for me, even though I know I will feel like crap afterwards. There is a lot to be said about the 80/20 rule…around Halloween it is more like a 70/30.

Most importantly, it is about my mental health and well-being. Without exercise, I can’t say for sure whether or not I would have driven into oncoming traffic by now. Everyone has their own history and their own dark clouds. Exercise makes me want to face my unknown future. The drive the exercise endorphins give me allow me to start doing the things I have always wanted to, but always made excuses not to. It gives me an optimism and positive outlook on life, and I just never had that before. My family loves me and they are my world, but you need to make yourself happy, so that you can be present.

So you may look at me and think she is skinny and exercises too much (that’s if you think 30 minutes a day is too much!). What is she trying to prove? You can’t look at someone and know them and what is in their heart or mind. So please do not presume to think that slim shaming is alright because it isn’t, all body shaming is wrong and hurtful often for the same reasons (it makes you feel less as a person).

I have worked incredibly hard since my last child was born, and after each one of them, to be honest. Sometimes I questioned whether it was worth it, and for me, it is. I work hard at myself so I can set a great example for my children, and be a great parent to them. I don’t want to hit menopause and look and feel how a lot of women my age often do.

The what’s the point? The “I am older, but not dead attitude”. Wellbeing for the majority of us is about choice.  I respect people who work hard to look and feel great, whether they are slim or full figured. I respect people who decide not to. Respect yourself and respect how others choose to be.

Remember when I said that I was going to get up every morning and workout before starting my day? Ya, well that never happened. In my mind it seemed like the perfect plan for me, but it is a dream. I get my 7 hours of sleep most nights, some nights I get more. I just can’t drag myself out of bed before 6 am! Admittedly, I didn’t even try it.

Instead, I workout after the little ones are in bed. This means I am working out anywhere from 7:30 to 9 pm at night…depending on the activity that evening and what time everyone gets tucked in. Most nights I am able to work out between 7-8 pm. Without going into details…..really it’s about who is home, who can help and what I need to do before I can get to it. You should know though that I never make excuses for why I don’t need to work out. This is NOT an option. Wednesday night, my nieces were in town, it was a last minute plan, but they were popping in for a visit. I knew the only way I would get my workout in, is if I got it done earlier. On this night, Rose who is usually in bed shortly after 6 pm, decided she wasn’t going to bed. Of course, isn’t this always the way. So I sat her on the couch and thanked god my workout was only 35 minutes and not the usual 50 minute one. She was amused, and watched me, along with Jack -who also tries his hardest to do the exercises with me. It wasn’t until the last 10 minutes when she decided to get off the couch and weave herself between me and my yoga mat-she did me a favour really, as she supported my body weight with hers! To give you a complete visual, picture me in tabletop position, with my elbows on the floor, with one arm to the side, my ankle weights strapped onto my legs. Me doing various repetitions with one leg at a time, switching sides. At one point she stood up and proceeded to use my butt as a drum. This amused them both-me not so much. If I had a video of it, maybe I would have gotten it; after all it is the “Brazilian Butt Lift” program in which you do shake your booty and play the pretend drums. I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes it is harder to get that time for yourself, but you do the best you can! Don’t use your children as an excuse not to do your workout, don’t use excuses in general. I know there are days where you are tired, but by 7 pm at night, every night I am pretty much ready for bed. I look in the mirror and I see my progress, I think of my focus and my clear mind, not to mention my overall outlook on life and I can’t let myself down! Hearing Jack my 6 year old tell me how strong I am, and the absolute adoration he regularly shows for me is so worth it. Do this for yourself first, but recognise that doing it benefits everyone else around you as well.

You know the picture I’m talking about. The one on my website’s homepage under the heading “Newfound Fitness Junky”, the post work-out picture? I thought this photo was better than the cartoon picture I had originally plopped into that spot. This is the link to the blog about me after all. It has been brought to my attention that it could be seen as UNPROFESSIONAL. That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind and I will tell you why.

I am a professional by day, I go into my office and dress the part every day Monday to Friday. I come home every night, do the evening routine with the children and once the little ones are in bed I work-out anywhere between 30 minutes to 1 hour. It is my time and I work at me! I get all the stressors that I may have had during my day out, plus the endorphins that my work-outs produce allow me to finish the tasks I can now sit down to do.

I have many hats, trying to grow my bookkeeping business, writing for my blog, getting into my art room and let’s not forget the most important one being a mother to our five children. My fitness is vital in wearing all of these hats well. Along with my new fitness goals and achievements I have decided to trade in many of my bad habits for good ones. These changes alone, have brought a new brightness to my life. I feel empowered by who I am now at forty – three years of age. I want to strive to be the best version of me. I am proud of who I have become and the person I am growing into. When I am gardening in my cut offs and tank top, when I am at my kids soccer in leggings and a t-shirt-I am still a professional, I am just not that business attire professional you see 5 days a week, 8 am to 4 pm.

I hope you enjoy reading my posts- I hope you enjoy in the weeks to come my new art work, and if you need a bookkeeper, I hope you will consider me…I can assure you, you will not be disappointed with my work.  The way I dress for my workouts is not a reflection of how professional I am, nor should it be.

My first week back to work ended with Friday off- a nice relaxing 4 day weekend! We didn’t do much of anything. It was lovely, I had already gotten my gardens sorted the weekend before. Of course, I still have to do my containers with annuals, but really that can be done any old time.

I had suggested to Andrew that I wanted to start cycling again, as it has been some time….2 years to be exact! I wanted a bike seat for Rose, to be put on my bike and thought Jack could go further if he was attached to Andrew via a bicycle tow bar. What a great idea, so we went and spent the money. It is, after all, a great summer investment in time spent outdoors with the little ones. We purchased the Schwinn Deluxe Bike Carrier and the tow bar attachment from Canadian tire.

Andrew, Jack, myself, Rose and Kyle were ready to ride. So we set out at 10 am and made it home by 4 pm. We cycled to Petrie Island from our house, which is approximately 52 km(s) there and back.

https://www.petrieisland.org/beaches 

I have to say for the first bike ride of the year, you should NOT go this distance. It’s now Thursday night and I am still having a hard time sitting down for long periods of time. Andrew got a super workout, Jack was peddling, but he isn’t even 40 lbs….so although the effort was there, the power wasn’t. I also feel that I outdid myself- if I had known it was that far prior to leaving I would have brought more than some apples and seeds! We had a lot of water, but you don’t always remember to drink it while you are cycling with both hands on the bars. Going there was great, wind at our backs. Rose loved it and quickly fell asleep, albeit in a very awkward position. When she woke up we had arrived at our destination. We snacked up, had a bathroom break, refilled water and got back on the trail. Needless to say, stopping was not a good idea! My leg muscles had completely seized up, so getting back on the bike, knowing I had 26 km to cycle home was pretty discouraging. Rose was not happy to be back in her seat and the first half of the journey home made question how I ever thought that this had been a good idea. We stopped numerous times, so I could try and calm Rose, she was off her nap schedule and just needed to fall asleep. She would have none of it. Not to mention every time I had to lift my leg over that bar to get off my bike to deal with her…well I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to get back on. I drank my water, Andrew’s water and proceeded to drink as much as I could from the camel-back we also had with us. I recognised that my muscles were screaming because I was dehydrated. It was a slow ride home, fighting the wind the entire way…..the hills were fun, and there were more than I remembered from when we set out. We cycled along the Ottawa River- I have a hybrid bike….she doesn’t particularly enjoy the gravel roads. I paid for it, the bumps were fun with Rose to, who was still upset at this point. We did find a solution which eventually sent her back to slumber land. Thank GOD! Andrew’s phone in a fanny pack at my back for her to hear…through the wind coming off the water. It was hurting my ears, I can’t imagine it was fun for her. We finally reached the Aviation parkway and relief would have set in, as this meant we were getting closer to home……the wind was even worse here. Andrew was great- he knew my legs were bad, he was also in a bit of discomfort…he was basically pulling Jack behind him through the wind. He kept reminding me, “What would Shawn T. be saying to you right now?” “You got this-don’t give up!” That actually worked, I pushed past my pain and that was the end of that pain party. (Shawn T. is the fitness coach I am currently using for my workout regime-very inspiring to say the least).

I only wish we had taken a selfie of the  5 of us when we had arrived at Petrie Island to post here. Next time! That’s right I would do it again. Now that I know the distance….I will plan to bring a large lunch, drink the water while riding, even if this means stopping a few times to drink enough to keep my muscles happy. Once we got off of Aviation parkway, we hit the chip truck and the fatty fuel got us the rest of the way home. Sometimes your body just needs Fat and Carbs, which for me is a Poutine!  Andrew used an online calculator ( a few different ones) and he said we burned about 1500 calories. This didn’t include the added weight of having the kids attached to our bikes. So I wasn’t going to feel guilty about eating crap.

Oh and Kyle our 15 year old, didn’t even look like he was breaking a sweat! Oh to be a teenager again.

There are so many bike trails in Ottawa, I would love to hear some recommendations on your favourite. Happy summer cycling!